Thursday, November 10, 2011

I am deeply paranoid about my inability to figure out what is real and what is not.

I am amazing at taking compliments; while your average girlfriend might reject the compliment a few times, I am willing to not only accept your praise but build on it.  That being said I would like to think I am a relatively rational person.  That being in the sense that I am not so arrogant to not think that sometimes it's a problem with me, not with the other person.  However, I do have an ego problem, where I believe truly everyone does like me more or less.

If you take this high self esteem problem (that only I seem to have), and mix it in with my imagination..  You end up with a false sense of reality.  You say 'go away' and my head immediately adds 'for now, I am just in a bad mood'.  I can't often tell if I am in the good or bad with some people.  Worse, being the rational person I am lol, I am fully aware that my sense of reality is often false, and thus, I become paranoid.

I start to have these problems where I think things are great, and I think that he likes me too, and then suddenly he's like '..You thought we were together?' and I read back and realize.. we aren't.  It was just all being invented in my head.  Then what do you say?  "You were a fantastic imaginary boyfriend, you never got jealous and I never had to explain myself to you."?  After embarrassing yourself like that, I don't think there IS a comeback.

After said problem, I start in with the paranoia..  '....Did he really mean that when he said he wanted to take me to dinner?  Maybe he wants to take me to dinner as friends.  Maxime, don't think too highly of yourself, not EVERY breathing body with a pair of testicles attached is pining for you...' and I bring myself back to earth only to return a few minutes later with '....why are you being so cynical Maxime..  don't think that way' .... And by the time I am done dinner was just a horrible mess!

To fix this problem, I am implementing the basic system that every child uses:

But I would take out maybe.  Make up your mind mate, if you only maybe like me, just go with no.

Take this problem of misreading social situations and apply it to my every day life and you'll understand why I live happily in my own world.. Because your world sucks and in my world everyone likes me.

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