Mother fuckin' sharks.

So this weekend I was at the beach.  Only two days, but enough to be so sunburnt that I am struggling to type this post.  The only thing that can fix this is time and a lot of paracetamol and ibuprofen, and even then, scars may be left.  That's an exaggeration, but, it really really hurts.  And it's true that no amount of aloe or painkillers is seeming to help.

Ok so -- for all of you who know me, you already know that I have an 'over-active imagination'.  This means, you see one thing, and I see it 20x worse (or better)..  Or more often, I see something out of nothing.  I can be walking down the street for example and I see trash bags, I am pretty sure it's a dog by the way they are stacked..  It doesn't help I need glasses :P

Now - Add in my super irrational fear of sharks, and the ocean, and it's just bad news.  Just to make you understand further, I have such an irrational fear of sharks solely based off of seeing the trailer to jaws as a child, and as a result I used to fear that sharks could come out of the tap in the bath.. Yepp.

That means, when you bring me to the beach, add in a few beers..  This is what you see:

 

No I am not kidding by showing you this.. And I think you all know what I am talking about when you go into clearly seaweed infested waters and you think fish are grabbing your feet.  I really don't think that is just me.

And this is what I see:

Except, not as big and more blood-thirsty.

As long as I can see my feet, I am usually more or less ok.  Also, I have pride issues so unless I really trust you I will pretend like I am not about to have a heart attack or any other fear related injury whilst I slowly walk in the water only to make some type of excuse and peace out.  Not that I do that.

And for further emphasis.. Again.  This is what you see:

Annnnnd what I see:

Doesn't look so bad?  Try stepping on them.  More painful than pebbles.

You call it crazy, I know.  I call it.. creative.  If you don't like that way of putting it, I would also accept overly-safe.

Think of it this way -- next time you're on the beach and you see a shark and think 'oooh why is the beach so seaweedy' I will already be on that beach watching your demise.  Why? Because you're not precautious enough.  

Prime example:  Today I was on the beach, and I was pretending to walk into the water saying how cold it was ready to leave (again, not that I do that).. And I step on something and I swore it moved.  Everyone laughed at me and said it was a rock slipping from under my feet.  That is until the fucking sting ray I had just stepped on and hit my foot with it's little flapper things escaped and started to swim away.  

Think about that. I just ruined the beach for you.